Thursday, June 24

LA MORENITA, Chapter 24

After N completed his Catholic instruction, he called his brother, J. “J,” he said. “Guess what? I’m a Catholic now, and I’m getting married.”
“Have you told Mom and Dad?”
“No, I haven’t told them. But they met my bride-to-be. Dad said to do what the hell I always do because I’m going to anyway.”
“So it’s the Mexican girl?”
“Yeah? So?”
“What the fuck’s wrong with you, man? That doesn’t make any goddam sense.”
“What do you mean?”
“What’s your life gonna be like married to a Mexican? You can’t stand Mexican food or Mexican music. You don’t speak any Spanish. What the hell kind of life’s that gonna be?”
“Geez, J. Can’t you just be happy for me?”
“What did you expect me to say? I’m glad your gonna make more brown, Spanish-speaking babies because there aren’t enough already?”
“Fuck you, J! They’re not going to be brown. They’re gonna be white like me.”
“Who told you that shit?”
N slammed the phone down on the receiver. Later that day, he told M that they really needed to elope.
A week later, M and N went to a judge’s chambers. A grey-haired woman in a tan dress and sensible shoes met them in the court room and asked what their business was. “I’ve been told that Judge B is willing to perform weddings,” N said. “Is that true?”
“Yes, it is,” the receptionist said. “Is that what you want?”
“Yes.”
“I’ll be right back.”
The four of them sat down in the court room and waited.
After a few minutes, the receptionist returned with a sheet of paper. “Okay,” she said.
“Here’s a checklist. Every time you do one of these things, sign your initials to it. When it’s all filled in, you can come back here, or better yet, call the number at the top of the checklist and make an appointment. The judge is pretty busy right now and may not be able to get back to you
right away.”
N took the checklist. “What’s this item you’ve crossed off?”
“That’s where you’re supposed to be asked if you’re cousins or not,” the woman replied.
“You’re not, are you?”
N laughed.
N and M spent the afternoon getting the marriage license. When they were presented with the license, the clerk recommended a nearby laboratory where they could get the required blood work done. At the laboratory, they were told it would take two weeks to get the resultsback. N laid thirty dollars on the counter. “Oops,” he said. “I don’t know who dropped this.”
“Well,” said the man from the lab. He smiled as he scraped up the money. “Did I say two weeks? What was I thinking of?. We should be able to get the results for you early this afternoon.”
When the marriage checklist was completed, N called the judge’s phone number and made an appointment for four o’clock the next afternoon. The woman who answered said coffee would be free, but they would need to bring their own cake, if that’s what they wanted.
The next afternoon, N, M, and M’s parents showed up at the court room. M’s mother carried a round bakery cake with her. They were ushered into a small kitchen area, where coffee was brewing. M’s mother set the cake down and opened the pink cardboard box. The cake itself was half-white and half-chocolate with matching frosting.
The judge appeared in his robes. He was an old man, obviously not in good physical condition. His skin had a sallow coloring to it. He was so thin he was almost a wraith. He wore thick tri-focal glasses and had just a few strands of white hair growing out of the top of his wrinkled head. “We need to be quick about this,” the judge said. “I’ve got an appointment scheduled for thirty minutes from now. My receptionist says everything’s in order and the check’s been made out properly.” The receptionist positioned the bride and groom in front of the judge and motioned for M’s parents to sit at a nearby table.
“Marriage is a sacred trust,” the judge said. “I’m sure you know that. Or if not, you’ll find it out soon enough. So you need to remember that what God has joined together, let no man put asunder. But don’t ever forget that marriage is, first and foremost, about property. So if things don’t work out, I hope that both of you reach a fair and equitable settlement on the disposition of belongings and property. If you want to save money, you can by-pass the lawyers and come directly to me. Anybody else have anything else they want to say?”
As the judge paused, no one spoke.
“Now,” the judge continued. “Do you, N, take M to be your lawful wedded wife?”
“I do,” N said.
“And do you, M, take N to be your lawful wedded husband?”
“I do,” M said.
“Well, then,” the judge said. “By the authority invested in me by the great state of Texas, I now pronounce you man and wife. And I sure hope the two of you know what the hell you’re doing.”
“Is that it?” M’s father asked M’s mother in Spanish. “I expected music. Why was there no music?”
“You may kiss the bride,” the judge said.
As N and M kissed, the receptionist cut the cake and distributed pieces to all present.
“Best of luck to both you,” she said. “May your lives be filled with joy.” She didn’t smile, and she sounded like a recording when she said it.

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